Journey to Faith

brandy612
Jul 19
3 min read

April 30^th 2024 I was baptized by my father, a true believer. Many things I like to choose and control, but I find what is out of my control becomes the most interesting parts of my existence. The date that my parents were to visit, was of convenience, and the day that worked best for my baptism, also of convenience, happened to be between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. As a true fan of symbolism, I could not have chosen it better.

My Testimony was as follows:

I have watched many be baptized, atop the pulpit in the church. I did not understand this relationship that these people had with God. I did not feel His touch or love that they spoke of. As an adolescent, my father asked me at dinner one night if I wanted to be baptized, and to his disappointment, I plainly told him no. Despite the possible pain this caused him, I am glad that this was my position. I was not ready to receive salvation. I needed to experience the world; to know it’s good and evil; question teachings of science, philosophy, psychology and theology; experience internal loneliness, loss and personal suffering. I needed to struggle with unanswered prayers, and to realize that these prayers were not unanswered. These prayers were not granted because I was not praying for the right things, but to avoid the suffering that would allow me to grow. I needed to know that I was a person worthy of salvation, not because my Father graciously deemed it so, but because I deemed it so to be worthy of Him.

I now believe, The Spirit of God is what manifests within me, as opposition to tyranny, evil, injustice and cruelty. This Spirit has always lived in me, even when I fought against Its existence. This Spirit has always empowered me to speak up for the little guy, to speak and seek the truth, and attempt to heal and guide the lives of others. I am not sure if I chose the Snake River, or if it chose me. This has been a recent realization in the pattern of choice that I am contending with. Anyway, I hope to cleanse the snakes within me or come to understand them so they may be redeemed. I am brave enough to know more, feel Your compassion, acceptance and love. I am humble enough to admit my inadequacies and embrace my quirky imperfections because I know these attributes serve Us, and touch others who are in great need. Facing fear does not mean being less afraid, it means developing more courage, more faith, and with that I thank You for making me strong, brave, trusting and honest. I wanted to be baptized in cold water. I need to feel physical suffering, at a fraction of what Your Son, Lord, has suffered. This is how I can know Him better. I accept the suffering and love that You may place upon me.

I am not a hugger, and so I think God is not a hugger for me, which is why I could not feel that love the others spoke of, but now, I realize that I hear and have always been listening to His voice. God is Good, let his Goodness cleanse me.

Matthew 7:10 “Thus by their fruit, you shall know them.”

Location: River Canyon Trail, where it felt right

My father spoke the following:

Daily Prayer

"Thank you for this day

Thank you for every day you have given me

Thank you for every day you give me after

Forgive me my sins

Bless my family and keep them healthy

In Jesus's name

In the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Ghost"

Amen